"She's no Eva Mendes, who my wife says, 'looks like a man,' a sentiment which I don't agree with."
"No one likes you, Ed Yang."
"Wait. Just listen to what I'm saying because I'm incredibly intelligent and funny in a cerebral kind of way."
"'A sentiment whic I don't agree with.' You talk like a dummy."
"Last night we watched The Wendell Baker Story."
"No one cares what you and your fat ugly wife did last night."
"Don't rent it."
"I don't want to listen to you anymore."
"Please."
"Moving on."
"But no."
"I'd like to give you my review of the movie."
"No one likes you, Ed Yang. You make me sick. I feel sorry for you."
"That's okay with me. I don't mind."
"Gross. Yuck. Eww."
"I want to fuck Eva Mendes."
"Okay."
"I want to stick my tongue in her enchilada and make her taste my mole sauce."
"No you're talking."
"I love Mexicans."
"Latinas. Me too. I've fucked a lot of them."
"I'd like to hear your stories."
"I can't talk for more than ten seconds. If I do I have a hard time breathing."