I would bury my face in her ass for hours.

"They get me into clubs, got me out of speeding tickets, and given me more opportunities then the ladies wioth the “cute” little buds just can’t say they ever have!"

melody maybe if you pack on a few more pounds
they will get even bigger and you can get a good job at the circus

oh and nice double beer picture
let me guess beer bottles aren't the only thing you have had two of in your mouth

jeebus. wtf?

whats with the weird photoshoped pics?

yes, potty, she does look like a man...

as to how she gets out of speeding tickets cuz of her tits is way beyond me. they look like they rest somewhere around her midsection... definitely not good.

Repeat after me, Melody: PUSH UP BRA.

and those thighs remind me of the holidays.... CHRISTMAS HAM!!!!!

sweet, succulent roasted glazed meat you just wanna sink ur teeth in and tear off the bone...

grrrrr...

why are you the ugliest girl i have ever seen. not just physically though, but just all around? your attitude is insanely unattractive, and those peopel must have been blind that let you off speeding tickets and mistakened you for a prostitute. although that mistake might an honest one. you're gross. your behavior is ridiculously sickening and by far the worst girl ive seen on here. and i dont want to know what you do to make guys toes curl. jesus christ.

the photos still boggle my mind. its not even like photoshop, photoshop helps appearances thats like a shitty editing program that happened to be on the computer. its just all blurred out. what the fuck did you do.

I have a friend who's short and obese, and she gets more hot guys than anyone I know (and I know lots of very attractive girls and gay guys). I think some guys have a thing for that look.

jess:
hot guys can be lazy sometimes too
i mean bear meat tastes good
but hunting bear is hard work
sometimes you just want to pull an apple off a tree

She made the classic mistake...instead of surrounding herself with less pretty than her for the photo op she surrounded herself with 4 that are easily hotter than her. Ironic, that such an intellectual as herself didn't figure this out...Thumbs Down..ENOUGH!!!

guillermo, bingo.

Wiseman, put down the crack pipe, this chick is a BOW WOW WOWser!!

john, you are so poetic, and so true...

lol

"He mistook me for a professional." Why soften "he thought I was a whore?"

These pics make me feel like im dirty and need to get drunk and take a long bath

will somebody please give this bitch a reality show STAT? i wanna be her when i grow up..

Angus Young said it best:
Wanna tell you a story,
'Bout a woman I know
When it comes to lovin',
She steals the show
She ain't exactly pretty,
Ain't exactly small
Forty-two thirty-nine fifty-six,
You could say she's got it all!

Never had a woman,
Never had a woman like you!
Doin' all the things,
Doin' all the things you do!
Ain't no fairy story,
Ain't no skin and bone!
But ya give it all ya got,
Weighin' in at nineteen stone!

You're a whole lotta woman!
A whole lotta woman!
Whole lotta Rosie!
Whole lotta Rosie!
Whole lotta Rosie!
And you're a whole lotta woman!
Yeah!

"Caliban…what happened to “my silence says it all” HAHAHAHAHA you just couldn’t leave it alone!!!'

Yea sometimes I should practice what I preach. Jess does make a good point but there are a plethora of reasons why some guys go for solid women. To be honest I would even prefer a little heavy to a waif, rolls may not be sexy but either are protruding bones.

If she lost weight she'd have no breasts- not that spectacular.

oh man..

what the hell is going on here?

OHHH...Glamour Shots baby!!! ;> Hey...Lily...you forgot the pageant moms too...they love those places to take "mommie n' me" photos...with their hair sticking straight the fuck up with curls hanging off the end of the sticks like that charactor pippylongstocking...with stars in theirs eyes...lookin' so hot...that's glamour shots babeee! Oh shit...let's all skip to the mall for a photo opp!!!!!!

LOL, lily! Don't forget the black lipstick! And I think the mandatory exclamation upon receiving said fabulous pictures is,

"It's so PERRRTYY!!"

I thought it was black eyeliner around the lips and then some clear lip gloss.... DAMN! I need to catch up on my ghetto homegirl fashion!

loser!!

um...yeah...shes kinda scary lookin..next please!

I think she looks like a young Delta Burke , her friend far right in vegsas nice

Trashy. I don't even want to be a part of this...

Oh yeah the faked orgasm thing... That is SOOOOOOO weird.. I have never faked in my life.. Don't need to the way my husband makes my knees get weak. Fuck *his* toes curling, my toes curl and my screams wake the neighbors! That's how it SHOULD be!

I just don't get the slut equation, you are a slut so you can get male attention...but yet the male attention doesn't get you off... so where does that leave you? Why fuck random strangers for no payoff?

And if the dude can't get you off because you're (young|naive|frigid|stupid|drunk|having sex with drunken same) ... damn, do the rest of the world a favor and TELL HIM. Don't let some other unsuspecting ho fall on that inadequate dick!

Too much makeup and fat and lack of style.

"Fuck *his* toes curling, my toes curl and my screams wake the neighbors! That’s how it SHOULD be!"

I remember fucking like this, the heavy breathing, the hot sweaty bodies, seeing stars when you fucking orgasm, too sweet. It really wasn't too long ago, that was before the invasion, now it's quieter :(

Melody by faking most of your orgasms all you are proving is you haven't had a good or long relationships, if you did you would have felt confident telling your boyfriend exactly just how to lick you to get you off (slow/fast/here/there, etc). Also in a solid relationship usually you fuck a lot so he should have gotten better to give you vaginal orgasms, practice makes perfect. Now this is not etched in stone but I would think if you were having solid relationships you wouldn't have had to faked "almost every" one of your orgasms.

angelfood you were certainly right, I couldn't leave it alone.

"Oh, and i have faked almost every orgasm I have ever ‘had’."
I was gonna comment on your pics, but now I feel too sorry for you to say anything. since when is having shitty sex cool?
seems fake.

I have to say....If I saw her in a dark alley I would turn around and run very very fast in the opposite direction.

Actually, I take that back....If I saw her ANYWHERE no matter how light or dark, I would run.

Oh yeah, you say things that you think will sound cool and then when everyone thinks you're an immature brat you whine, "But it was a joke..."

Gross whore! The attitude is even worse then her droopy looks.

"U guys are ridiculously mean"

i got an erection when i read that

good ole' john is back in the saddle!

I like big butt's & I can not lie.

SHE'S A BIG BITCH (CLAP CLAP... CLAP CLAP CLAP)

"In Vegas almost every girl we met was ‘a professional’ and I found it to be pretty funny to be propositioned out of the blue, and no it was not based on an outfit or behavior."

Well, DUH, if you're hanging out in alleys and gas station bathrooms all the girls you meet are bound to be hookers.

""""I apologize to all of you gagging over certain pictures but not all those were sent in by me, some were picked off my myspace site. """

Err melody, how on earth is it possible that some pictures were sent by you and someone picked some other pictures of yours and sent them to the site?

One word.... DUMB

Is she the same person in all the pics?

She actually looks cute in the 2nd page 1st pic

The last time I saw a girl drink 2 beers at once at a party she ended up in the back room conducting a train. Yep, she was a fat, ugly chick w/ fairly nice tits. She probably faked all her orgasms too, being in a drunken stupor & all...

"U guys are ridiculously mean, and not at all funny."

I totally disagree, most the regular posters here crack me up all the time.
We are a mean bunch but, the name of the site is The Bastardly, WTF didja expect?

she looks like a fat charlotte church, and that's saying a lot because charlotte church is already pretty fat.

Why do most of her pictures look airbrushed?
She's alright for a chubby girl, her nose doesn't really fit her,though. She looks like a little piggy.

"At any rate, that isn’t the magic words that I need to hear for a gentleman to get these legs open! ; )"

The magic words being, "So how much?"

"I am Bastardly because I have tricks in the oral department that make you curl your toes, and I practice my PC muscle exercises twice a day."

So your head game is viscious?...sloppy slurpy flagrant dome?... your mouth looks righteous...

I was about to hit you wit big dog pit bull gulliest in charge...but this qoute saved you...booty is ridiculous too...just lose a little weight and the kid just might holla at you...

The phrase 'utter trash' comes to mind.

You know what? At least she isn't a clone like Candi, Mandi, and Brandi in the group photo.

Her face is cute, her body is UGLY, and most of..
Her answers.. no wonder people think you're a prostitute, you probably are.

Three things:
1) I was on a 3-day to Port Aransas, TX. Nice to be back.
2) Snap #1...my only thought was, "why is she drinking two containers of urine specimens?"
3) My buddy, E-Man, says fucking a fat girl is like humping warm sacks of vomit.
3b) Agreed: she's probably "the funny, chubby chick" among her kind of boring, but hotter-looking gal-pals.
3c) Last snap's thunder-thighs is similar to how a corpse starts to "explode" in the decomposition process and putrefication begins as the corpse swells from gases within the carcass.
3d) Do you make your mother and father proud? Is gramma proud, too?

fat bitch..lay off the damn mcdonalds and get a life,what the fuck is up with this attitude? you think you are hot?
holy shit.

This should not be allowed.

LMAO!

Props to her for being a self assured, confident woman, who does not feel it necessary to expose ribs and collarbones to feel sexy and who is able to talk about sex like a man on a stag night!

But damn, somewhat conceited, perhaps?

hehe, what a pelvis bruiser. faked almost every orgasm?...you wouldn't be worth the effort, anyway. the last pic is so unappealing.

i see, beer breath and used condoms in your future...

Reminds me of Roseanne Bar. 100% PURE TRAILOR TRASH!

Jeebus Melody, just looking at your pictures sure made my toes curl and reading your comments made me hurl!!!!

hey badabingbella,
um...whales breathe oxygen..lol..they are mammals...but the comment was funny nonetheless!

god u are sexy- I would love to bury my face in your pussy!

ha sike piggy!

Her friends look very fuckable

Yikes! Why would you send those in? Sheesh.

wiseman....... THIS is fat, not Monica..... there is a difference between nice curves and too much jiggle....

Shes is definitely on the chubby side, and what is up with that nose!!!

Oh my god! What the fuck? Fat. Slut. Stupid. Shallow.

Man, judging by the middle picture on page three, her "lovely" tits are going to be making friends with her thighs by the time she is 30.. they are sagging like bush's approval ratings and have nowhere to go but down.

Why the photoshop? Is your face actually full of pox scars?

grr i hate that i cant edit a previous post. i meant that might have been an honest mistake, and peopel is people. and you are fucking crazy if you think you resemble any of those actresses. holy SHIT you suck. and whats with the classy first picture!? ahhhh my brain just fucking exploded when i saw the last photo

Oh man. This is definetly a stolen batch of pictures off of Myspace..and most of the posters so far-Chillll. Clearly a heavy amount of sarcasm has been used in the answers, whether it was coming from that girl or a fake. Personally, I enjoyed the responses almost as much as the pictures and I'd like to hear more from "her".

It has nothing to do with being short & fat, it's all about being easy.
Which I think fits Melody here. Ugly girls gotta be easy or they don't get any.

"I have a friend who’s short and obese, and she gets more hot guys than anyone I know"

She's probably easy and the "hot guys" in question are not being picky, that or they have been partaking in that oh so lovely standard reducer, booze. Personality does make up for a ton of physical flaws that one might not find attractive, but I still get turned off by people who don't take care of themselves.

Caliban...what happened to "my silence says it all" HAHAHAHAHA you just couldn't leave it alone!!! HAHAHAHHA...that's okay...I have been trying to find something, anything nice to say...just can't find it today....I have to say though...if ya'll saw Lima or Alba drinking 2 beers at once...betcha you would be infinitely impressed! ;>

Just think what all she can fit in her mouth!!! does that make her bastardly or just used up? hmmm...

Holy crap! WTF? Those weird blurry pics look like those kind you can get at the mall. You know what I'm talking about--they have airbrushed backdrops with stars, and all the homegirls go there to get pictures with their baby's daddy. And can I say that she looks like a freakin' sausage in that red dress? Did her boobs and butt eat up her waist? A tube dress for a tube shape. And I wouldn't be bragging about being mistaken for a hooker. If someone thinks you're a hooker in VEGAS, where pretty much all the girls are trotting around in club clothes, then you've got to be dressed/acting pretty bad to be mistaken for a whore. And is faking your orgasms something to be proud about? That means that A. All the guys you've been with really suck or B. You don't know what you're doing either. I vote for both options.

Jess, you're right on.

Fat chicks are HOT!

Ill give her a dirty sanchez, then take a shit on her ugly face to finish her off

"you will find someone, just keep your standards up!"

Moss I have someone it's just things are quieter, that's all. But thanks for the vote of confidence :)

"I am completely comfortable with my body and dont feel the need to go living my life stressing over eveyr goddamn thing I eat"

That's cool that you don't let it bother you, but is your heart "comfortable" with the added oils and grease, we won't know until it becomes uncomfortable. if you exercise regularly you can eat almost (and I emphasize almost) anything you want within reason. You get your metabolism up so you burn things you eat FOUR times faster and your stamina and endurance go through the roof. So later when you are pushing 50 you can be "comfortable" with the fact you don't get winded get up from the toilet after taking a shit. 20 minutes every other day is worth it for the only life you get.

Some of us try and sift through the sarcasm but when you say you have had to fake "almost every orgasm", that doesn't seem like a joke, just a problem that needs solving, unless we were transported back through time to the 50s.

Melody, your sense of humor is stale, slutty, and ridiculously immature. Cheers!

@Moss (#53)
Gotta love that. Also gotta love it when the girl comes on here to defend herself. You must be seriously lacking in self-esteem and need validation/approval for you to submit your pictures. If you're stupid enough to do that, at least put some decent pictures--actually GO to the mall and pay to get those fuzzy "portraits" done--don't leave it up to your sucky photoshop skills.

Oh dear. I forgot about poor Sandi. Silly me.

I can only assume the Bastardly is running out of girls to post because she is one truly unattractive girl. I have nothing against chubby girls but she doesn't even have the beautiful chubby girl face.

Damn girl your answers sucked ass and if you know how to write then you would be aware of what would come off as a joke and what wouldn't.

All around ugly.

“At any rate, that isn’t the magic words that I need to hear for a gentleman to get these legs open! ; )”

Chimchi- the words are "all u can eat buffet" or "supersize?"

THIS has got to be the WORST one yet! I'm 98% convinced that this...is in fact a man and an ugly fat one at that! I have to puke now after that disgusting ass shot!

I was always told if I didn't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all, so I think my silence says it all.

Lilyspryte....................what the fuck are you talking about??? This is not fat, she looks like ADRIANA LIMA. She is stunning. This woman is one of the most beautiful in the world.

aaah, wiseman has sarcasm today.... nice

chimchimcheroo....... lol! I hate those damn photo places! The crappy malls here in Houston have those places, and "homegirls" go there all the time, their eyebrows drawn in with Sharpies and entire bottles of styling gel in the nasty orange hair, ready to take the worst pictures for the best price.

WTF? I find her attitude disgusting.

awwwwwwwww Caliban... :( You are a cool guy, you will find someone, just keep your standards up!

guys be nice- maybe she's not super chunky just pregnant ... although I hope not the latter for the sake of the baby (double fisting CLEARLY- NON LIGHT BEERS cant be good for a fetus)

tori.. christmas ham.. hee...

Sorry I lied. She is like a buffalo! Oh and bye the way Monica Belucci looks like an old geezerbird.

1) I am shocked at you guys wiht no sense of humor. Obviously most of my responses were jokes. I guess it is hard to come across that way when typing maybe but I am completely baffled why anyone thought I was dead serious on all that.

2) In Vegas almost every girl we met was 'a professional' and I found it to be pretty funny to be propositioned out of the blue, and no it was not based on an outfit or behavior.

3) I apologize to all of you gagging over certain pictures but not all those were sent in by me, some were picked off my myspace site. I am completely comfortable with my body and dont feel the need to go living my life stressing over eveyr goddamn thing I eat and I sleep perfectly fine at night.

U guys are ridiculously mean, and not at all funny.

Last picture on page 3 just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit

OMG! beached whale!! somebody, quick help it back to the water before it dies!