Joan Rivers vs. Dolly Parton - A Bastardly "Scary, Old Bitches" Matchup



It's total tossup w/ these two old hags.

Let's see...

1. They both are pretty damn scary on first sight

2. Both have gotten so much plastic surgery over the years that you don't know what the hell is real & what's fake.

Making A Case For Dolly...

1. Dolly has huge knockers. After downing a few shots of everclear, a six-pack of Natty Lights & falling down a long, steep staircase, you can just put a brownbag over her head & have an amazing time w/ her huge boobs.

2. Dolly looks fun---at least more than the nearly stoic Joan Rivers

3. Joan Rivers is a fashion critic & she has lipstick on her fucking teeth. Maybe that's blood following a recent trip to her oral surgeon's office?!

Here are a few more pics of the scary women. Make sure you're not eating while viewing this set...


Read the rest of this Bastardly entry »

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57 Scandalous Comments

I would like to apologize to all Joan Rivers fans...my bad.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 1:05pm

Ok, now ya pissed me off..... Joan is a freak, do as you please, but DOLLY!?

She's a sweetheart and looks fantastic! (Check out all the women around you that are her age and see how they compare.)

AND...she is aging GRACEFULLY, not having her face cut and carved till it looks like a grotesque mask ala Rivers. ;-p

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 1:26pm

you men sometimes...i swear! you give us women a hard time when we start to age (which EVERYBODY does!)...then when we try to DO something about it, you tear us apart for "fighting it". so what is a girl to do?!?! we're damned if we do and damned if we don't . Joan IS overkill...Dolly is FABULOUS! maybe life SHOULD be like that 70s movie "Logan's Run" and society should just KILL everyone over 30, or should that just apply to women? oh wait...i'd be dead.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 1:45pm

Moelicious- Seriously.. you need to leave dolly alone... she hasnt had that much work done...look at her old pictures...at least she still looks like herself.... but JOAN RIVERS looks like a totally different person and the sad thing is she looks better now.. But please they should not be compared... Plus Dolly has talent all Joan has is Plastic. I think Dolly looks great! I noticed you made another comment about Dollys age and well i dont think i will be back on your site.. you are a dolly hater and i didnt realize that. Good Riddins!

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:04pm

dolly is kind, she has talent, beauty, wit, intelligence and......................................

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:07pm

Take your bad comments off here about Dolly or get ready to go to court for defamation of character. And this is not a joke! I have already heard from a publicist. And you dont have rights to these pictures.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:10pm

How are there THAT many Dolly fans? She is what she is- an old hag just like Joan. Lighten up people!

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:19pm

Do you guys all live in Tennessee?

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:22pm

Hi.. rockeramy...Ok. 1rst...we all know Dolly is NOT an old hag. Infact if you go to the billboard charts she has a number one single with Brad Paisley called "When I get where Im Going" But i do realize some people are not up to date on their music knowledge. Also Dolly is worth over 200 million. With Dollywood, the dixie stampede restraunts, the new cds she releases each year, and her tour last year... i think Dolly is doing pretty well...she is definately not an old hag...more like a mature business woman with big boobs and a big smile. NOW on to Joan, she is what she is like you said and old hag.. all she does is talk about how good and bad people look and gets piad for it... and then uses the money to make her face tighter. One day joans face is going to be so tight that when she blinks she farts.. hahahahahaha

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:31pm

I don't want to Google her! You're making it sound as if I don't know who she is or something....I'm very aware of who she is and her accomplishments and what she looks like- AN OLD HAG!

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:49pm

How far down do you think Dolly's tits sag now? 2 feet? 3? Her talent always has and will be in them boobies and i dont know what cave all you Dolly fan freaks crawled out of but you should suck on a pistol.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 3:34pm

Yo "Beaner" how big is your ass hole now that you have been fucked up the ass by all these Dolly fans. YA BITCH. go back to you closet! or comeout! you gave them what they wanted... HEAD...

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 3:40pm

I'd give it to dolly, man those tits are just huge!! I'm not a fan of either of them, but I would stick to Joan if her daughter Melissa would join in, I've never done a Mother-Daughter combo, so that would be my stipualtion.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 3:55pm

I'd like to throw my opinion into this without any ill will towards anyone.

here it goes...
Joan looks like someone has just molded her out of clay...almost like a wax figure. she looks odd. ive seen her in person on regis and kelly when i was in ny(she was a sub host) and she looked so strange but she was very funny.

Dolly looks pretty much the same as she always has...it does look like she has had a few nips and tucks... but in reality it works for her. Plus i like her voice so im kinda rulling for her on this one.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 4:00pm

I am so confused. I don't get why everyone is treating Dolly Parton like she's their grandmother that everyone is talking shit about. She is just a woman, a woman that none of you personally know so what's the deal? Why are there so many defending her? Her and Joan have much in common like for starters- THEY'RE BOTH OLD HAGS!!!

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 4:23pm

Why do we defend dolly? cuz she's a sista! She's not afraid to be tacky; she REVELS in tackiness. She shakes those big tits and big wigs in a special "fuck-you" sort of way. You know if you ran into her down in the holler, she'd whip up some chicken and dumplins and take you on a tractor ride. Plus she sings that "Coat of Many Colors" and "Jolene", which can make a girl cry every time, if she's feelin kinda blue.

Plus, I heard that she's bi, has some sort of ongoing relationship with her manager or something, and that Carl the hubby is down w/that.

But even if she's not bi, she still rocks.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 4:49pm

There is something about the past two weeks that is making fans of has-been stars crawl out of the woodwork.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 7:21pm

hahaha.

why do you say last two weeks? interesting timeframe...

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 7:22pm

~runs away screaming in fear~

nah.. Joan has done wonders to herself. Dolly on the other hand .. well I dunno. But I like em both. Glad they are still alive and kicking.

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 @ 3:28am

DOLLY ISNT A HAS BEEN or she wouldnt have performed at one of the biggest awards show. DUMBASS! I agree Dolly rocks! AND JOAN well she does look better than she did in the 80's....

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 @ 8:50am

How dare you attack Dolly! She is the best. But I guess she would say there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Like all great iconic female stars, she is a monster. In the tradition of Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Mae West. We love you, Dolly.

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 @ 12:30pm

I'm surprised to see so many Dolly fans here...and I'm right with ya on this. She's funny and talented and seems genuine. The look is just part of the package but the person under the wigs/makeup/boobs is smart as a tack and a real kick. Joan had something early in her career, before she fell in love with herself and, quite inexplicably, her own ugly mug.

Now that DAUGHTER of hers is something that KILLS me. Crack open a box of Milk Bones and start tossing 'em her way. Keee-RIST that's a homely woman...at least her mother was funny way back when.

Thursday, March 9th, 2006 @ 1:02am

dolly is REALLY scary looking, but I guess all these rednecks on here worship her...

Sunday, March 12th, 2006 @ 2:55pm

im from san fransisco and i don't even listen to country music, but dolly parton is the best! she's honest about her plastic surgery (thought to be fair, so is joan), but dolly says the funniest things! and zenjen got it right: she revels in her tackiness!! its great to see someone with a--i'll say it--classy sense of humor about themselves. i used to be a dolly hater, back when i knew nothing about her and just thought she was bad country music and big fake boobs (im still undecided on the authenticity of them), but once i listened to her interviews and watched best little whorehouse in texas (fantastically tacky!) i couldn't help but fall in love with her sympathetic personality! and its for real too :) i do wish she didn't pump so much collagen into her lips, but hey--it was her choice and at least she's happy with it. i hate plastic surgery mainly because it tells normal people not to be satisfied with what they were naturally given, but there are all sorts of different views on the subject... i learned not to hate when you don't know what you're talking about!

go dolly!

Sunday, March 12th, 2006 @ 4:37pm

Joan is a lot worse than Dolly.

At least Dolly knows how to make fun of herself and realize how much of a joke she is to everybody.
Joan's just...I dunno, when I see her, I want to vomit.

Thursday, March 16th, 2006 @ 10:53pm

Well all of you need to leave Dolly Parton alone. I seen her in real life because she is my cuz. Well on TV she looks younger from the light they use and other things but in real life she does look old but not old old she looks younger than what most people looks when they are 60. She does look like she did at 30. But jone rivers that old hag she has plastic sur.... at lest once a year she thinks she looks good but she don't.

Sunday, March 19th, 2006 @ 8:19pm

To the person that wrote all the negative and heartless comments about Dolly. Who really cares what she looks like, as long as she feels good about herself. Dolly has a heart of gold and would never judge anyone by the way they look. She has done so much good for so many people. Dolly turned 60 years old in January. I don't care how much surgery she has had, she still looks good. She does it in moderation. I have met Dolly several times, and everytime she still looks like Dolly. She is so beautiful. If I could afford to get cosmetic surgery done I would. I think it's very important to feel good about yourself. If you don't like yourself, you wont like anyone. And I feel that's the way you feel about yourself for posting these hurtful remarks towards Dolly. Have a little respect, and do a little research about Dolly, then you'll see what kind of person you really are for saying such hateful things about her. Dolly...your fans are beside you 100%. You look amazing, and don't let someone bring you down to there level...WE LOVE YOU DOLLY!!!

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006 @ 9:37pm

Ok there is no comparison between the two Dolly Parton is a total beauty compared to joan , Joan hunny you look like Michael Jackson on his worst days i am suprised your nose is still there, Dolly i love your music i love you, muahhhh kepp up the awesome song writting u are a angel

Friday, March 31st, 2006 @ 1:29am

Dolly Parton is a national treasure. You all can suck a dick.

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006 @ 12:33pm

Dolly is the greatest! She rocks man! She may of had a bit of work done on her but what stars havent these days! Joan Rivers on the other hand, I would sue her plastic surgen!

Go Dolly! You will live forever!!!

Thursday, April 20th, 2006 @ 11:41am

she'll live forever because she is a blood sucking vampire

Thursday, April 20th, 2006 @ 11:44am

No because she is a great artist! She takes everything life throws at her! You meet her and she is honest about everything and everyone! LEAVE OFF HER!

Thursday, April 20th, 2006 @ 11:47am

no

Thursday, April 20th, 2006 @ 11:55am

Yeh she is the greatest you idiot! Shes way cool!

Thursday, April 20th, 2006 @ 8:30pm

Too much plastic both of these women but it is understandable specially with Dolly because she was once one of the most beautiful women ever.I remember my husband and brothers going goggled eyed at the very sight of the beautiful busty Dolly,where as joan was always sort of plain.I guess it is not just the plastic but age has a way of catching up with all of us.As for Dolly i'll alway remember her as the beautiful bouncy girl the excited all the men and charmed the women.

Sunday, May 7th, 2006 @ 9:22pm

u no wa? i fink dey both luk BARE ugly and dey luk as if dey jus got fuked my ma dad lolz thatz wa i fink

Saturday, June 10th, 2006 @ 11:42am

Well, i DO know Dolly and have met her many times thru the years, as well as her family. All I have to say to those of you that have nothing decent to say about her... It really sucks to be leading such a close minded life!! I understand that everyone is entitled to their opinion, thats what makes america... America! But do know this... Dolly Parton, reguardless of the amount of plastic surgery she has had... she has and will always be, one of the most real, down to earth, genuine people ever. When Dolly arrived at the Oscars, people were not yelling and cheering what she was wearing, but cheering her, Dolly Parton the superstar. I really wish all of you could have the oppurtunity to meet her one on one... She treats you as if you were one of her own family.
For all you Dolly fans reading this... keep your eyes open for alot more great things to come from mrs Parton. For you non-fans, just know that she will be around for a long time to come... and you dont have to like her and you are entitled to your opinion... but try to respect those that do!

Monday, June 26th, 2006 @ 4:39am

Ok, now you've done it! Dolly Parton is awesome! If I even retain my shape half as well as she has when I get to her age I'll be thrilled. (Oh wait, I don't even have that top half now)

Seriously though, Dolly and Joan are both really intelligent women in their own industries and they've both held up well, FOR THEIR AGE. Also, neither one of them is a bitch or demanding Diva like Star Jones or some of the other annoying female celebrities who get way too caught up in their own press.

So this time I've got to say nope, I don't agree with you. These two ladies are lovely inside and out and they both have one truly important thing - a GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR.

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006 @ 5:24pm

I really think that Dolly should go on tour! Then she can spread her greatness throughout the world!

I wish she would come to the UK on concert!! I really wanna see her!!!

Tuesday, July 18th, 2006 @ 8:27pm

You can lick monkey balls if you think Dolly belongs on here. YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, August 4th, 2006 @ 5:55am

I don't care how they got to look like that! I think they're gorgeous and I would welcome the opportunity to go down on either or both of them!

Monday, August 28th, 2006 @ 8:10am

I don't know how somebody couldn't like Dolly. Come on now! I can see if you just hate country music, but Dolly's done SO much good in the world and she's soooo sweet. Hell, most the charitable things she does never get recognition cause she doesn't brag about it. If you ever met her you'd just melt she's so warm, kind, and genuine. She's just beautiful, ESPECIALLY in person. She ain't my "grandmother" but you know what, I'd defend her like she was!

Saturday, October 28th, 2006 @ 5:22am

wait, wait, so you don't think Dolly had any work done?!

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 1:30pm

"well i dont think i will be back on your site"

Mike W. - we'll miss you; actually, no, not really.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:08pm

I'm just shocked @ how many Dolly Fans are out there...

Mike, you know we make fun of everything that moves, so why would we leave dolly?!

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:12pm

I agree Joan looks a little weird but Dolly looks like she always has. Oh and i also agree that Joan looks better now...haha its sad but true.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:20pm

What is with people defending Dolly fucking Parton? Am I missing something here?

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:32pm

Ok... i guess this doesnt pertain to this but i thought that song from transamerica by dolly should have one over the trivial pimp song. After watching all 3 perfomances at the oscars i thought for sure either the crash song or dolly song would have one but i mean the pimp song... seriously... my ho could of wrote that...lol.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:51pm

SONG OF THE YEAR!!

Yo its hard out here for Pimp.... while these bitches all walking with a limp
Why dont you leave miss dolly alone...and go home suck on your bone
Cause it hard out here for a pimp....big boobs bighair as a blimp
Dollys got more money than you...so go back to your trailor that smells like poo

FUCKOFF YOU DOLLY HATERS!!! DOLLY GOT MORE FANS THAN YOU KNOW!! WE EVEN IN THA GHETTO BITCHES!

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 3:47pm

Hey! I'm a Dolly fan too. Love her bluegrass and older music. But jeez.. don't get your drawers in a bunch!

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 @ 3:32am

i think dolly looks great! and joan she looks a little like plastic doll, but regardless these 2 should never be compared, Joan should be compared to a poodle or something. Dolly is the queen of country music, and wow her boobs are huge, i love those things! Dolly cant be compared to anyone, she is a one of a kind!

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 @ 8:55am

To the person that wrote all the negative and heartless comments about Dolly. Who really cares what she looks like, as long as she feels good about herself. Dolly has a heart of gold and would never judge anyone by the way they look. She has done so much good for so many people. Dolly turned 60 years old in January. I don't care how much surgery she has had, she still looks good. She does it in moderation. I have met Dolly several times, and everytime she still looks like Dolly. She is so beautiful. If I could afford to get cosmetic surgery done I would. I think it's very important to feel good about yourself. If you don't like yourself, you wont like anyone. And I feel that's the way you feel about yourself for posting these hurtful remarks towards Dolly. Have a little respect, and do a little research about Dolly, then you'll see what kind of person you really are for saying such hateful things about her. Dolly...your fans are beside you 100%. You look amazing, and don't let someone bring you down to there level...WE LOVE YOU DOLLY!!!

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006 @ 9:37pm

"a national treasure?"

good one...it has a ring to it.

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006 @ 12:43pm

u no wa? i fink dey both luk BARE ugly and dey luk as if dey jus got fuked my ma dad lolz thatz wa i fink

Saturday, June 10th, 2006 @ 11:42am

I agree DC... Dolly is great! A true legend in our time... how can you all compare her to Joan?? :( im sad

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:13pm

I live in Santa Barbara baby! Trust me you would be suprised how many Dolly fans are out there... google her or something. Better yet listen to her latest CD on Itunes

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:33pm

rockeramy - it boggle my mind too.

Monday, March 6th, 2006 @ 2:34pm

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