The Bastardly Evening News - Dec. 29, 2005
Thursday, December 29th, 2005 in the middle of the damn afternoon
* This news item reporting that Howard Stern *may* have married his "girlfriend" Beth Ortolororoeoetrort (I honestly don't give a fuck what her last name is...point is, she's (kinda) hot) must be wrong. I mean, homeboy has the opportunity to get infinity + 1 pieces of superfine, Grade AAA ass, so why would he ever tie himself down? Love? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...No, seriously, why? [NationalLedger]
* I don't know what is more amazing, the fact that Britney Spears wants to have another kid with K-Fed (to "help" their marriage...hey! Stop your snickering, *of course* this will work...just look at Shar Jackson...) or that Mr. Federline has a drug dealer named "Weedman". Fuck bro, couldn't you come up with something I dunno...more subtle? The Spederlines should just capitulate and give in to their White Trashosity fully. They have the cash and class to be the King and Queen of all White Trash. They could buy a trailer park and build a double-wide castle with a moat around it, invite other WT's to live nearby and rule over them with Cheeto topped scepters. Dare to dream, Spederlines...dare to dream... [Jossip]
* Nick Lachey, the bell tolls for thee. It seems homeboy went on an ass-kissing tour de force in the last few days of his "marriage" to J-Simp in order to try to salvage his carreer. Although it is not expressely stated in the article, I have good reason to believe this also included giving daddy Simpson manual pleasure. I am assuming Nick did not moisturize his hands first and chafed Papa Simpson's member, as the marriage is over...and so is Nick's "carreer". [PopBytes]
* As no real actreses would lower themselves to be the new Bond girl opposite the man with two first names, Daniel Craig, the people in charge of making movies shittier (you know who you are...assholes...) decided to offer the role to Jessica Simpson. Yay for her! She gets to be the slut in a 2 hour commercial...and to think, at one point Bond movies *really* kicked ass...sigh... [Egotastic]
1. Howard Stern is a mildly amusing man. He should, for our benefit, remove himself from the gene pool. I can do it for him if he wants. Just a few simple snips. Aside from that, I don't care who he marries.
2. Why are we still talking about these people?
3. Nick Lachey's "career" can rot in hell. He always was a talentless hack.
4. That's one movie I won't be sorry to miss. Fugly Slag.
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FlyMeToTheMoo........
#1 - Howard Stern is an ass.......... if he can become popular talking about t & a, so can my brother......
#2 - what the hell ever.............
#3 - My husband is a far more talented "musician" than this wanker is. At least my husband writes, produces, plays, mixes, AND sings his own music (www.hntmusic.com)
#4 - Pierce Brosnan was alright, Sean Connery was better, who knows how Daniel Craig will do, and I hope Jessica Simpson burns to death in a tanning bed and then is forced to listen to her own shitty music over and over again IN HELL.
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I don't know why, but the font came back really big and bolded................
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britney is INSANE (it might be PPD, seriously the girl needs help)
just watch she'll get knocked up again & he'll leave her ass
i am going to say something nice about kfed- the man knows how to destroy
the career of annoying pop culture icons now if he would ONLY turn those skills
on either jessica or asslee simpson, paris hilton or kim stewart & bleeds them dry
he'll be doing the whole a favor
please tell me the jess simpson as a bond girl is a joke
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