Archive - Sep 2005
Bastardly Halloween Costumes: Janet Jackson
Friday, September 30th, 2005 in the middle of the damn afternoon
Aaaw. Janet looks so cute after she put on 30-40 lbs. I love those Cheetos-filled cheeks, too!! She should get a special Grammy for working all year long for getting into shape for her Halloween costume....But what the hell is she supposed to be?!
Posing Paris: Abortion Anyone?
Friday, September 30th, 2005 after a late four martini lunch
Related in a Bastardly way:
MILFilicious Maria Bartiromo & Sexy Petra Nemcova
Friday, September 30th, 2005 while eating a Bastardly Mercado Certified lunch
It's a pity Kristina Applegate had to get her ass in there to spoil things.
My heart skipped a few beats after spotting these two beauties together @ some Reader's Digest "Please-Show-Your-Face-And-We'll-Pay-You" luncheon. As you people already know, Petra Nemcova is a personal favorite. I think it's because her love is genuine, she doesn't do crack like all the other bitches & lastly b/c she's a true survivor!
As unbelievable as this will sound, just 10 months back, this woman was recovering from one of the craziest catastrophes on record & these days, she's making sure to enjoy life to its absolute fullest. Who wouldn't, right? It's unfortunate that homo- & heterosexual men, all over the globe, are literally missing out in one of God's finest creations (in her prime). Petra, give us a call & we'll make sure to savor your silky, Czech bod, the way it should be savored. Amen.
Ok enough bullshitting. Here's some more eye candy from yesterday's event.
Related in a Bastardly way:
Tori Spelling Considering Crack Cocaine
Friday, September 30th, 2005 while eating a Bastardly Mercado Certified lunch
The woman has lost it. Just look at her, for God's sake.
If you thought she had nothing going for herself prior to the divorce, you're in for a surprise. Tori's officially inside an emotional rollercoaster & will soon ride through the normal bouts of what we like to refer to as, "Superficial Depression."
This rare (ok, it's not that rare) case of depression includes some or all of the following:
1. Complete, utter misery---gallons & gallons of tears will flow (b/c life is just soooo hard!)
2. Internet shopping sprees b/c you don't want to go outside & face your friends (the paparazzi)
3. Suicidal tendencies, but fortunately 99% of those people who make such a consideration are cowards & naturally, cowards will not kill themselves.
4. Cocaine (she will start w/ sniffy-sniffy but gradually move to smokey-smokey
5. Sleeping around---to find "that person"
6. Couple more faulty marriages as a result of whoring
6. Heroin, if cocaine doesn't cut it
7. Pills to compliment the cocaine/heroin
8. Rehab
9. More rehab after the first attempt fails
10. She'll write a book talking about how rough her life has been (written by some random 8-5 editor, of course)
11. And lastly, an interview (probably w/ Vanity Fair) talking about the book & her rough, shitty life.
May God have mercy on you, Tori. Oh, one more thing: While you're treading the rough waters of Superficial Depression, could you please get some plastic surgery? See you on the other side.
Served: Stuffed Mushrooms
Thursday, September 29th, 2005 in the middle of the damn afternoon
My theory on food: If it looks & smells like shit, it probably tastes like heaven. It's worked for me all over the world, so fear not in putting the theory to use.
The only country in which I'd be very careful is Bethnaaam (of course). I heard a rumor that shady Bethdaamese people put blades in their food. Talk about hardcore!!!
For more pictures of amazing food, please hit this site every once in a while. This chick loves to eat & drink (that sounded bad). Oh, she can write too!
* If you dig stuffed mushrooms & want a taste, click here.
Paris Posing: Most Hated Bitch
Thursday, September 29th, 2005 after a late four martini lunch
Here's the latest list of famous people who hate Paris:
1. Shirley MacLaine:
2. Shirley Temple
3. Catherine Deneuve
4. Gretchen Wilson
5. Jon Bon Jovi
6. Sharon Osbourne
7. Valentino Garavani
9. The Latsis Family
10. Shannon Doherty
Here's the latest from the senor citizen batch (MacLaine, Temple, & Deneuve):
In Her Shoes star MacLaine scathes, "She just shops and turns up to parties.
"So she wears pink and has blonde hair and suddenly calls herself not a
starlet or an ingenue - no, according to Paris, she is a movie star.
"It irritates me. In my day, you had to really work. It took BETTE DAVIS
seven years of hard slog to reach the point where her name was above the
title on a movie."
Temple adds, "(Paris) is stealing the thunder from really talented actors
who have learned their craft."
Meanwhile, French beauty Deneuve asks, "Who is she but a provocative young
Barbie doll?" [Female First]
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