Archive - Dec 14, 2005

* A short list with bios and pictures (yay, boobies!!!) of the freshest Hot Chick DJs. Not to be un-p.c. but, I bet the Russian one is a total slut AND a gold digger...and it just so happens I have mad gold bullion and a magnificent member. Holla![SaveManny]

* There were 6,461 reported violent crimes in Miami in 2004. I think the citizens of Miami can now rest easy and we can expect a fucking enormous drop in crime in that city - "Big Aristotle" (wtf kinda nickname is that?) is on the job. Indeed, Shaq spent the last year training and is now a reserve officer with the Miami Police Department. I know yer dying to read all about it. [AttuSeesAll]

* Like father, like daughter. It seems (and by "seems", I mean they have video of it) that a well-known NYC coke dealer did a little sniff, sniff, bang, bang (the penis kind, not the gun kind) with President Bush's daughter, Jenna. Homeboy even got her ID as a souvenir of the evening spent with her. Fresh! [Radar Online]

* Ok. Simple. I know some of you cats are probably 1337 h4xx0rz and I have a mission for you. Kate Beckinsale just dropped a bomb - she does filthy webcam shows (no holes barred, I'm hoping) for her man when they are apart. Your mission is to hack that shit and get me a copy. Chop, chop...precious wanking time is a-wasting. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

* On the subject of celebrity sex tapes...Colin Farrell has one and Nicole Narain, the lucky recipient of the disease-coated member of Mr. Farrell, wants it released, as it would be in their "best interest". I don't know about that, but after seeing pics of Narain, I know it would be in my penis' best interest if the tape were released. [AttuSeesAll]

* Jude Law best watch his back...Sienna Miller's pops is going all 50 Cent gangsta on him, saying in an interview that if homey can't keep his shit in his pants he's gonna totally ice Jude. I would like to see Jude call the bluff by banging Sienna's mom. Word. [SunOnline]

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If it's offending anyone, I apologize.

That's not the intent. The intent is to be different and to be creative and let them see a little bit of Hollywood or New York - bring it to Cranston [Located in Rhode Island]. [AOL News]

It's funny that this guy, who's 38 years of age, is obsessing over Paris b/c just last year the bastard was caught trespassing on Martha Stewart's house. There's nothing really wrong w/ the trespassing, but what's upsetting is the fact that someone would want to risk jail time in order to get close to Martha-fucking-Stewart?! I'm hoping this trespassing news was just made up in an attempt to help Martha Stewart feel better her thieving ass. Also, if that wasn't enough, how the hell do you go from wanting to have sex w/ Martha to wanting a piece of Paris Hilton STD-infested ass?? Just baffling, I tell you.

Before I put this babbling to an end, one last question remains: So, what would compel someone to do such a thing?

He came upon his latest subject after meeting Hilton in a store in the Hamptons, and said he found himself fascinated.

"She was just very sweet," Moretti recalled. "So I said, 'Wow, this year I think I'm going to do a Paris Hilton Christmas."'

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Has Anna found a man w/ deep pockets yet or what?!

Apart from her money issues, I gotta admit, this woman has lost a lot of weight!! Modern medicine is amazing, I tell you.

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Dim Sum, anyone?

This post is an example of the sad reality of Gossip Blogging these days...

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Howdy, let me introduce myself, I'm the cat that's gonna be posting the Bastardly Evening News (at least until the powers that be ask me to leave (and by “ask� I mean throw me out on my ass). I would rather not go into the filthy details of how I acquired this position, but suffice to say that it involved a copious number of small woodland creatures, toothpaste, empty toilet paper rolls and Chuck Norris. I'll let yer imagination do the walking.

In addition to the pocket lint and 3 saltine crackers I'm getting for doing this, I get to pimp a little game I run called StreetWars, a 3 week long, 24/7 (real life) water gun assassination tournament. Check it out. We just finished a game in San Francisco and are now making preparations to take over Los Angeles.

…and now, on to the news…

* In case your eyes are still working after seeing the above and you can read this, the tranny crackwhore pictured is actually Dennis Rodman at a book signing. Yup. Here are more totally hawt pics of homeboy for your wanking pleasure [OhNoTheyDidnt]

* As restitution for offending your delicate sensibilities with the lead image, I shall give unto you some breastastic pictures of Scarlett Johansson, coming from a story about how my favorite pederast of the mildly retarded, Woody Allen, thinks poorly of Scarlett's fashion choices. Douchebag. [Yeeeah!]

* Angelina Jolie still loves the Vag. In your face, Brad Pitt! You know, he is exactly the type of tool that would be offended, rather than FULLY erected by this news. [WWTD]

* My brain has nearly exploded (or imploded) from the conflicting intel I am receiving about my straight 2008 homey, K-Fed. Word on the street (in Germany) is that playa is already getting ready to gouge his porky wife for some serious divorce dollaz [WWTD]

* If that's true though, why is homeboy getting his Ferrari back?! My mind is boggled…the only explanation I can think of is that he has a Starbucks or Cheetos flavored penis. Your snacks shall be your downfall Britney! [Ezboard]

…and so, you have come to the end of the Bastardly Evening News.

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