Jessica Alba: Campari Swimsuit Calendar 2009
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008 in the middle of the damn afternoon by Jackson
Jessica Alba went through the ringer on Photoshop with this calendar but it's not to discredit that she looks damn good. It got me to thinking about hitting up the archives for some Alba Ass Heaven goodness. First off, Cash Warren is a lucky bastard but we already knew that. DAMN YOU CASH WARREN! Next Alba Ass Heaven truly does exist along with the wardrobe malfunction from heaven... yes, she does have nipples. We like her crack too. We even gave her a buttafaces moment once too! Shocking! She'll never do Playboy but teased us in Good Luck Chuck and in bikini photoshoots... especially the GQ Magazine shoot.
She recently gave birth and looked damn good rocking the bikini in Cabo...OW! However, I've saved the best for last... who can forget the ass-off between Alba and Longoria. My personal fav, though just one pic, was Alba Ass Heaven Offical Campaign poster!!
Read more in Babes, Jessica Alba, M.I.L.Filicious, Needs to do Playboy
Bookmark/Search this post with:
Hot damn!!!
Reply to this Comment
this chick can lick my big dick
Reply to this Comment
Oh, I wouldn't mind having a drink with this woman.
ACEReply to this Comment
lol
jamiesonReply to this Comment
jessica it's so hot, one of my top 5
juanjoReply to this Comment
Where did she get that rack? I don't remember her being so...much.
Reply to this Comment
Thats what happens when women get pregnant and have babies....well some lucky women.
Reply to this Comment
WOOOOOOO!!!!! At last! lol I seriously wait around here for you guys to post jessica alba stuff lol. And my oh my isn't she looking undeniably hot. Her body is so bangin. How can anybody not love this woman??
SierraReply to this Comment
'Cuz she's a bitch, that's why.
RhondaReply to this Comment
Oh right. So how long have you known her?
SierraReply to this Comment
maybe very long time for this dude?
Reply to this Comment
How long have you known this bitch to think everybody should love her?
It's called an OPINION. Kind of like the one you made when you asked how can anybody not love her. Remember? Didn't realize it was a rhetorical question.
RhondaReply to this Comment
Easy tiger, I was just playing. Try some herbal tea.
SierraReply to this Comment
Whatevs. I'm chill. They need a sarcasm button on here.
Can't stand tea. Prefer coffee.
RhondaReply to this Comment
ur a bit of a douche.
jessica alba is hot, i honestly don't know anyone (in the real world NOT on the net) who doesn't think so.
and i dunno where you got the "bitch" tag from, every interview i see of her she seems sweet :) albeit a teensy bit vapid but still adorable. *shrugs*
Reply to this Comment
I'm not the only one who thinks she's a bitch, asshole.
RhondaReply to this Comment
she is looking very sexy
L.e.t.í.c.i.aReply to this Comment
all them dudes gathered around jessica like a bunch of leeches, make that calendar look like white trash.
Reply to this Comment
come on jessica. take control of these photo shoots. i can't believe you went there. barf.
Reply to this Comment
She's really beautiful and hot.
BozReply to this Comment
She looks wooden in these pics. I refuse to say anything nice about this cold-hearted, untalented bitch.
RhondaReply to this Comment
she's so hot! my dream girl :)
Reply to this Comment
yeah that shit was sexy ........ in the 1940s
assReply to this Comment
how is this even hot anymore? she didn't need so much airbrushing, at least I can't imagine that she did. I can't get past the fact that she looks like her skin is cold, smooth, and plastic
svetlanaReply to this Comment
I wish she wasn't a talentless bitch.
Some GuyReply to this Comment
Boredome insues...
Richard-SchlichtingReply to this Comment
Wow Richard, just 2 words and you managed to misspell them both. :-)
McPervReply to this Comment
It's bad spelling day! Don't you know that...My father always told me "It's pretty boring spelling a word only one way everytime...." :O)
Richard-SchlichtingPS He was a PHD in Comparative Literature.....\
Czech yu leter!
Reply to this Comment
I still don't see the big deal...yeah she has big airbrushed tits, but so does every other slut up here, and her shitty attitude kills any hotness left.
Reply to this Comment
MILF
PlayerReply to this Comment
Maybe that was not Richard.
George the Canadian BastardReply to this Comment
She's so Hot & Thick.
/she should of won Dancing w/ the Stars
Racer XReply to this Comment
She wasn't on DWTS. Did you mean to post this on Lacey Schwimmer's?
RhondaReply to this Comment
BobbyJ (Uncertified Bastard)
I still don't see the big deal...yeah she has big airbrushed tits, but so does every other slut up here, and her shitty attitude kills any hotness left.
she isnt hot, shes just another skankoid hoolywood-skeezebot with zero talent. but if you people like garbage, then i guess this is your dream girl.
Reply to this Comment
Great body but still a no talent twat.
Reply to this Comment
great photoshop work! congrats!
Reply to this Comment
Shes hot but that much photoshop is not needed
azezealReply to this Comment
Too bad she doesn't have a personality or any discernable talent to go with her amazing looks.
wutReply to this Comment
overrated hack can't act or anything.
Reply to this Comment
her tits look HUGE ! she is very beautiful tho love her skin
CARCARReply to this Comment
love the new tits she looks good curvy
babygirl2000Reply to this Comment
it's all good (Uncertified Bastard)
overrated hack can't act or anything.
well put! shes way too over rated, ive seen girls in mission viejo looking better then her. her breats are just "large" ( personally i like an A- or small B cup, at least gravity wont have its way with them, unlike her and her pendulous messy balloons ) because she pushed out her spawn, people. shes just an over rated, fugly ( yes we all know shes photo-shopped, the huge bug eyes reduced, the fishy, wrinkled lips smoothed down by more photo-shopping, the severe acne airbrushed out, and of course they needed to make her "skinnier" by the egotistical twerp's demands), stupid, absolute bitch with no manners, let alone class, and only smiles when shes getting paid. oh i almost forgot, the herpes pustules also needed some work, as in, COMPLETELY airbrushed--hell, all her "professional" pics are airbrushed in a goddamned wind tunnel--out so this amazingly, uber over rated scum bucket can look like she didnt crawl out from under neath some sewer in calcutta. fucking hell, just because she had a (herpes) spawn pushed out of her herp-filled twat and has a team of cooks, trainers, nannies and maids ( all with cash's money, she dosent make any and hes old money, which means although how terrible her "actink skills" are, she'll always have her husband ( the one who dumped her because she cheated on him like the whore she is, then finagled her way back into his life, tricked him into getting her herpes-pantoon knocked up so that they'd HAVE to stay together; what a fucking coniving, calculating cunt ) to pay the bills because her movies make about $2 and some change. "lucky bastard cash" should really be just a tad more accurate, everyone, like, "poor bastard cash and his gorgon wife" pimping out his wardrobe indeed! HE is the one paying for it, she need the money for her valtrex and diet pills. one day everyone will get over this pile of garbage.
Reply to this Comment
No reason to sully Calcutta?
Richard-SchlichtingReply to this Comment
OMG U RANDOM!! :O THATS WAY TOO MUCH HATE FOR SOMEONE YOU DONT KNOW.
HOLY SHIT THATS SAD MAN =/
Reply to this Comment
LOL i looked at some of the picsw, and now, i present to you, The BASTARDLY...Jessica Alba(tross)! Your polished turd for the day! ( CENTURY is more like it)!!!!"
also, in pic 9 she looks like a made-up corpse. and pic 12 i agree that ALL the other girls in the pic are MUCH better looking than albatross. plus you can see her feet are so big and that is just disgusting on a girl who isnt even over 5'6 or 5'7. my goodness, isnt there any OTHER girls on this site that deserve a spreads like this one?! like annalynn mccord? what about jessica stroup? pampita? this slut needs to get her face kicked in, preferably by anna lynn mccord!!! LOL keep thinking you shit gold nuggets, albatross.
Reply to this Comment
Bitch please!!
How humilliating..Sophia Loren at 72 looks 1,000,000,000 times better (Pirelli calendar eg) than this overrated self-absorbed talentless corpse
Reply to this Comment
nontalented, unpleasant, fugly useless BITCH
Reply to this Comment
good job those dodgy half naked dudes in pic 1 got chopped out. they're interrupting all the "alba bitchy hottness". she a bitch... but a hot bitch. i'd slay that...
lokiman the cataclysmic bastardReply to this Comment
hot damn.... can't complain or trash talk about that!
Reply to this Comment
I'M SURPRISED HER EGO CAN FIT ON BASTARDLY!
DOOM IS MASTER OF D55S PANTIES
balls of doomReply to this Comment
WITH HER NO TALENT HAVING ASS. ALL BITCHY WITHOUT HAVING ANYTHING TO VALIDATE IT WITH. (AND LOOKS DON'T COUNT)
I DON'T GET IT, HOW DO A NO TALENT, FULL OF THEMSELVES SKANK LIKE THIS GET SO FULL OF THEMSELVES.
DOOM IS MASTER OF D55'S PANTIES
balls of doomReply to this Comment
i wish she'd just fuck off
johnReply to this Comment
or at least have the decency to retreat to the Lifetime family of networks like all the other pretty, untalented chicks who refuse to take their clothes off
johnReply to this Comment
I don't see why people say she's a bitch. She's beautiful, and I don't blame her for not smiling in paparazzi pics or getting annoyed.
Reply to this Comment
she just doesnt do it for me anymore
the kittenReply to this Comment
FUCKING WHORE JESSICA. FUCKING SLUT JESSICA. FUCKING CUNT JESSICA. FUCKING BITCH JESSICA. I FUCKING HATE HER. I HOPE JESSICA GETS GANG RAPED AND DIE FROM AIDS,LIKE SHE FUCKING DESERVES.
Reply to this Comment
BREATHEEEEEEE
WOOOO SAAAAAAAAA
JESUS LOVES YOU
BUT I THINK UR A C U N T
LOLOL WOOOOO SAAAAAAAA CATHY R IS A SAD BITCH
Reply to this Comment
HOW THE HELL DOES SOMETHING LOOK ACTUALLY BETTER AFTER THEY'VE HAD CHILDREN!!!
ANSWER ME THIS!!!
THING OF BEAUTY J ALBA IS :)
Reply to this Comment
BAHAHAH I FUCKEN LOVE THE CAPTION ON PIC 8!!
GOOD HUMOR IS THIS SITES ONLI REDEEMING FEATURE.
STOPPED COMIN ON FOR AGES BECAUSE THE PEOPLE ON HERE WERE JUST FCKD. NOW UR FUNNI...AGAIN.
JESSICA ALBAAAAAAAA BETCH!
Reply to this Comment
oh, for the love of god, savvy, shut up.
i have a theory, and i think YOU are alba(tross). look, see that more than 70% of the comments are how shes a useless, talentless stuck up, cold-hearted bitch!!!! ill admit, some say, yeah shes pretty, she has a nice body, what have you. i do not agree, i do not find her attractive in the least, NOR do i find her "body" anything but foul, like her face and personality, but your the sole person who actually thinks ( emphasis on *thinks*) that shes a "nice person"!!! ok, what the fuck? shes miserable, D-listed's moderator calls her "MiserAlba" LOL because shes so fucking miserable! in every way! i sent her a baby shower gift, i knew it would be perfect for her herpes spawn, a giant, used douche-bag. think of all the various ways and tasks both of these herpes tools can do with it!
1) albatross can strangle herself ( but watch out, if your around her, and people start snapping pics, she might wipe it on her pussy, infect it with herpes, then stuff it in a paparazzi's face )
2) teach "honor" ( ok, we get it, you say "it was an honor to have cash's baby", but lets read between the lines, here, it was an "honor" for cash to be with her, in her delusional opinion, it was an "honor" that he took her (NOT hot) skank-ass back because she "honor"-ed him (again, in HER psychoneurotic opinion) by marrying him, and in the grand, predictable spirit of her major case of egotism, it seems to her that her baby is "honor"-ed to have a mother like alba(tross) ) how to use it because one must start teaching an infant with herpes how to "properly clean her neither regions" so that the boys will all flirt with her when shes still in a Bonpoint ( only because Cash can afford the Bonpoint name) onesie. hey, alba(tross) was a slut since grade school, may as well start her mini-tool early!
3) use the douche bag as wrapping paper to send holiday gifts to her brother. how can i say that, you ask? about her own brother you ask? well, she didnt even invite him to her own wedding, so to save $$ during the holidays, she can wrap up his gift of a bar of used irish spring soap she found in a gas station washroom without paying the hefty price of $2 for REAL wrapping paper let alone the $0.89 for a new bar of soap.
savvy, however much albatross is paying you ( that is, if your not her )to do her bidding, i must say, you are making an effort. keep it up, it makes it so much more hilarious to read.
oh, and did i mention albatross has herpes?
Reply to this Comment
***APPLAUDS***
I hate Albatrash!
RhondaReply to this Comment
She looks great here, but that happens when you are covered in makeup and photoshopped to death, she looks like any girl on the street in her everyday photos. Frankly I don't find her very attractive when she is without makeup. Her boobs are nice though, both those will be back to normal eventually too lol.
ThatsJustWrongReply to this Comment
Some people on here are seriously sad. I feel sorry for all you who made unecessarily viscous comments about Jessica Alba. There are a lot of celebreties that I can't stand, but you don't see me talking about them on the internet how talentless and bitchy they are. Because I actually have a life and I don't care about unimportant things like that. But, I had to say something. Your bitching is pissing me off. Its annoying and shows how miserable and jealous you all probably are.
Who cares if she doesn't smile in photos like your puppet and she doesn't sign autographs all the time? She has a life like all of us. Celebreties are not perfect so stop putting them on this unrealistic pedestal. I actually wasted my time typing this crap out when I should be getting ready to go to school and finish my school stuff. You guys are PISSING me off. Shut up. Usually, I'm more mature about this but you guys are pathetic and I just though you should all know in case you didn't. I actually think jessica alba is pretty. The media manipulates things so that you can see something a certain way, not everything is true. Stop believing everything you read and see. Until you get to know Jessica Alba in real life, then you can say something truthful. Its all heresay. I am not just saying this because I have nothing against her. I also do not know her, either.
Reply to this Comment
WOW! FUCK THE REST US HUH, GUESS WERE NOT MET TO HAVE OPINIONS!
balls of doomReply to this Comment
permanant top 3 fixture. so damn hot and that aint gon' ever change
jamiesonReply to this Comment
damn photoshopped much? Alba is undeniably beautiful & all but who cares her 15 minutes are up. I never saw the big deal with her.
Bellezza ItalianaReply to this Comment
Make a Scandalous Comment
Please note: Do not use multiple nicknames & leave annoying, pointless comments that only attack other Bastardly Visitors. Also, blatant racial & sexual slurs for no particular reason will not be condoned. BREAK THE RULES: YOU WILL BE BANNED & appeals via email will not be considered. Before you comment, please be aware that no comments will be edited or deleted. Ever.
Lastly, if you have special scoop (i.e. scandalous photos, bastardly ex-girlfriends & boyfriends you want to expose, etc etc), please do contact us directly. You will remain anonymous!